DREWspective

I left out a couple of important points in last night’s post, The Valentine’s Day Lecturing.

The first point: when someone starts giving unwarranted relationship tips, or advice on how to attract women (or men), it’s purely out of self-indulgence – although they’ll justify themselves by saying

I’m only trying to help

They’re actually only interested in making themselves feel superior to someone else (in this case, single people) and making themselves feel better, especially if it means making someone else feel inferior and worse. Bear in mind that they don’t care whether that person is happy or content with being single, or if they’re completely frustrated about being lied to all the time by women – the sole purpose of the self-indulgent lecture is to make this person feel inadequate. I’d even go as far as saying that such lectures are premeditated.

If you’re not convinced that anyone who gives these lectures is being self-indulgent instead of helpful, look at what happens if you call them on their bull****. All of a sudden they’re the ones who get angry, they’re the ones who start cursing and screaming, and they’re the ones who threaten to abandon you if you don’t instantly change – which, mark my words, they’ve already decided to do anyway. (As I’ve said, they decided to abandon you when they chose to indulge themselves in the self-indulgent lecture.)

And let’s not forget: a minute ago you were “a nice enough person”, and there was supposedly nothing wrong with you. Oh yes, and they were “only trying to help“.

The second point: you might not realise this, but the other reason why people give these self-indulgent lectures is because of projection – these people themselves feel they “need” to be in a relationship, and that there’s something inherently wrong with being single.
They have a hard time imagining life as a single person, mostly because of peer pressure or social conditioning to find “The One”. It could also be said that these people are far more concerned with what other people think of them, than what they think of themselves.

Personally, although society has turned single life into some kind of solitary confinement punishment (where other people are told to stay away from single people), I don’t see anything wrong with being single, especially if it’s out of choice. But people consciously choose whom they get involved with – so singledom is increasingly more about others’ choices in favour of or against certain kinds of people, especially when they’re complaining about ending up with “jerks”.

That’s all I really have to say about that.

It’s almost that time of year again.

In case you’ve been in hiding, wearing a tin foil hat or something, we’re approaching Valentine’s Day (which I call V-Day). Just about everywhere you can imagine is advertising the fact: they all have big posters – reminding us that it’s on the 14th, because we’re all stupid – and they all have ideas about what people should get women for the big day.
V-Day is about women, okay? First of all, that “heart” shape that people like to use doesn’t represent love at all, but the shape of a woman’s private parts. (I inherently knew that there was something wrong with the simplification of “love” by using such a simple symbol, but my stance was proven when looking at a recent poster about female cancer.) Second of all, most if not all of the promotions were geared towards gifts for women; everything from chocolates and champagne to expensive jewellery and vacations.

V-Day is basically a day where happy couples (and not-so-happy couples) get to show off to each other. Every year women are hoping to outdo each other by way of their partners, so they’ll have something to brag about the next day. Men who have a significant other to please reach into their wallets, hoping that the gift they pick out will keep them in the relationship for that little bit longer.

But most significantly – and something we overlook – V-Day is the one day where people hold the fact they’re in a relationship over other people’s heads.
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I got back from my first day of on-site work this year, and almost immediately started thinking about getting back into doing social activities. It wasn’t enough that I did Paint Jam last week, and came away with two very good paintings – I remember my short run of social activities that I did as part of my 2011 resolution, and I still ask myself why I’d stopped.
These social activities would include finding me some female company, even though I’d stated that I don’t need women and that they’re generally not worth fighting over. I got to thinking about how to go about it, and the usual answers of watching what I eat, possibly returning to the gym and taking better care of my body came up. After all, women do not like works in progress (nobody does), and they tend not to stick around to see a man improve.

The question then hit me: why is it, in the western world at least (where they clearly have the upper hand, from work opportunities to murder), that most women still choose to run away from uncomfortable situations, rather than face them like the “strong, independent women” they claim to be? Specifically, that awkward moment when someone they don’t find attractive lets them know how they feel?

(By running away, I’m including every kind of evasive action – whether it’s physically running away, dodging the issue, making excuses, hiding behind other people, resorting to silent treatment or anything else – everything except telling the guy directly,

I just don’t feel the same way about you,

which I acknowledge would be painful to hear, but it’s the truth.)

I’m going to throw that question out to all the women reading this post, in the vain hope that one of them actually gives a relevant answer. I should point out that I’m asking this question for the same reason I ask any question: for information. I actually want to know the answer, and I’m not ready to pounce on anyone with some premeditated comment or smart-ass remark. My ears are wide open.

I certainly know what kind of answers to expect: the usual, completely unrelated and anonymous comments about me being inadequate, not being able to get laid, or blaming everybody except myself – most likely from manginas. I know, because that’s what usually happens when a guy asks a question like this, whether online or offline… and it’s happened plenty of times to me.

Let’s see what kind of reaction I’ll get.

Don’t hate! The real challenge in making this figure was deciding which details to incorporate, as there is a lot.