Though I’m no longer playing “the game” and killing myself for the sake of “attracting” (being chosen by) some female, I decided to revise my list of “red flags”, mentioned in one of my old YouTube videos.
But as I was making the list, I decided to go deeper. Were the things I was listing really red flags, or were they deal breakers?
My definition of a red flag is a warning sign: something a female does or says to indicate she may be hazardous to my well-being. A deal breaker would simply be something I wouldn’t accept.
Let’s begin with my original list of “red flags” from the video (no longer on YouTube).
Women who have children, or have had an abortion.
DEAL BREAKER (RED FLAG if she hid[es] having either)
My original reasoning for this being a “red flag”, is that being single and having been pregnant was a huge sign of irresponsibility, but even more so that some other guy had been all up in her.
I’d class this as a deal breaker instead, solely because I have no interest in starting a family or (even worse) being the father figure in someone else’s. Whichever way you slice it, a relationship with a single mother will inevitably lead to some paternal involvement in the child’s life.
It would be unreasonable and futile to ask females to save themselves these days, but if a female enjoys having sex (or sleeping around) then getting pregnant shouldn’t happen if they’re at all responsible.
Women who say their children are their “world”/”life”.
Telling random people that your children are “your world” or “your life”, as I’ve seen many single mothers advertise, suggests there was at least one point your children weren’t, and suggests some level of irresponsibility – even if you’re taking responsibility now.
I shouldn’t have to clarify that your children should be important to you, and don’t get me started about the single mothers who point out they “come as a package”.
Women with “hoodrat” names.
“Hoodrat” refers specifically to those horrible made-up names for black children, although other cultures have their equivalents. My original reasoning for this being a “red flag” was that these “hoodrat” names were a sign of low quality, particularly with the people they hang around and their upbringing.
Women who seek “dominant” men.
You’ve probably seen a whole slew of women going around saying they’re “submissive” and want a dominant man, in the wake of 50 Shades of Grey. I saw the trend happening several years ago, where females on OkCupid started using the buzzword.
This could be a “red flag” depending on what they mean by “dominant”. It usually means a [sexually] aggressive alpha male, who is physically intimidating and does all the work, while the female lies on her back during sex. If the female is one of those loudmouth types, it could also point to a desire for a physically aggressive male.
Women in polyamorous relationships, and those who have “masters”.
Most of the time these females – especially the ones who claim they’re only seeking women – are just after attention, and have nothing to offer except their looks.
Women joined at the hip with their friends.
If a female always has to be around other people and their friends, it suggests to me they don’t have a mind of their own. They would be unable to make decisions – even about their own life – without being decided for by people close to her.
Some people reading this will assume I’m some kind of stalker who preys on vulnerable females – there’s an original thought. Let’s put it this way: how comfortable would you feel with someone who was always asking for your advice, them blamed you for the things they did?
Women who brag about how convenient being female is.
I’ve got nothing against females who enjoy being female, but when they’re bragging about how easy their life is compared to men, there’s a hint of influence from third wave feminism. The best examples of this I’ve come across are at speed dating events, where the women love to comment about staying seated throughout the night (the men have to move around), and the hosts ensure that’s always the case.
(PS: if you think I hate women because I’ve mentioned feminism, as well as being a non-feminist… you’re stupid.)
Women who use your personal information as ammunition.
You’ll usually see this happen once you’ve invested time in a female, but I’ve experienced instances where a female took something she knew about me (usually through hearsay) and threw it in my face.
I won’t spend a whole bunch of time on this point, but hear me: if you’re ever faced with someone who uses personal information to attack people, RUN.
Women who complain about physical contact.
I’ve known at least three females throughout my history who’ve specifically made a point of mentioning they don’t like men touching them. They were all reasonably attractive, and all of them – in some way – advertised themselves sexually.
Mental health is one of my wheelhouses, and I’m sympathetic to underlying issues such as childhood trauma, rape, physical and sexual abuse etc., which are definitely serious issues. However, no matter how well you treat them, how much you get along with them, and how much you change your own life to make them comfortable – even as a “friend” – at some point you will be seen as being just as bad as an abuser… while the abusive get to sleep with them.
Here are my new additions…
Women who describe themselves using buzzwords, clichés, catchphrases and slogans.
DEAL BREAKER and potential RED FLAG
99% of females online, when asked to describe themselves, will use buzzwords, catchphrases, clichés and slogans du jour:
I’m classy, sexy, witty, funny…
I never know what to write in these things…
I’m shy at first but once I open up…
I’ve gone into this at length and won’t waste any time, but anyone who can’t talk about themselves without using copy-and-paste content is a waste of time.
The potential “red flag” comes in when deciphering the labels the female gives herself. For example, calling herself “funny” could suggest she doesn’t take anything seriously, or that she finds Lorena Bobbit jokes and anything involving male mutilation particularly amusing.
Women who describe whom they’re looking for using buzzwords, clichés, cactchphrases and slogans.
You’ll find that a lot of people – both men and women – claim to “know what they want” because of being picky about whom they associate with, usually based on physical appearances. It should go without saying that those who “only date X or men with Y” are choosing to date men because they are “X” or have “Y” – not because they like them or have any “chemistry”.
When they use buzzwords, clichés, catchphrases and slogans to describe people they’re looking for, it suggests the complete opposite: that what they’re looking for is based on what’s popular, as opposed to what they really want. If it’s not the case, these people would be able to describe the person they’re looking for in no uncertain terms.
Women who describe themselves as “a bit of a . . .”
You’ll see a whole bunch of females on OkCupid and elsewhere describing themselves as “a bit of a geek/nerd/buff/etc” – word for word – to make themselves look down-to-earth, interesting and appealing. In short, they’re seeking attention.
The statement is non-commital; as soon as being a “geek/nerd/buff/etc” attracts negative attention or is no longer trendy, that same female will delete that phrase and go back to being “normal”.
Real geeks/nerds/buffs/etc don’t communicate it, they demonstrate it.
Women who “act dumb”.
One of the most annoying things a female can do is “act dumb”: pretending to be stupid, pretending to not know what you’re talking about, or becoming deliberately ignorant. I guarantee you’ve seen people (not just females) do this several times, and I’ll go double or nothing and suggest it’s used to escape a situation they’re uncomfortable with.
An offshoot of “acting dumb” is what I call “hiding behind white daddy”: instead of addressing a problem directly, a female goes and gets (and hides behind) someone else to deal with it for her. That person’s usually a white male, preferably big and muscular, hence the term “white daddy”.
Anyone who “acts dumb” – even once – is telling you they’re irresponsible and choose to run away from difficult situations. Not great to have around you during hard times, I can tell you.
Women who have an ECU as their main photo.
The ECU – extreme close up – is of whatever the female primarily wants you to pay attention to: usually her breasts, cleavage or behind. (Then she’ll complain about getting sexual messages from men!) The male equivalent is an ECU of their topless body or their genitals.
ECUs by women are more common than ever, solely because it gets them instant attention. What you should be more concerned with, as a man, is what these women are trying to hide. ECUs are a favourite of clearly overweight women, for example, because they can use their breasts to hide the fact they have big stomachs.
Women who have more than one person in her main photo.
There are numerous profile photo trends among women:
- the shot of them on vacation;
- the shot of them dancing (exactly the same pose);
- the shot of them with a drink (bonus points for pretending to sip through a straw);
- the shot of them sitting in a cafe or coffee shop, directly opposite the photographer;
- the shot of them playing holding or sitting at a musical instrument;
- the shot of them petting an animal;
- the random professional (photoshopped) photo;
- the shot of them looking in a different direction at nothing;
- the shot of them with exactly two other female friends;
- the mirror “selfie” (another trend that won’t die)
- need I go on.
All these are intended to give visitors the impression there’s so much going on in that female’s life, and you’d better have something spectacular to add if you even want a remote chance of speaking to them.
I highlight having more than one person in a female’s main photo as a deal breaker for two reasons:
- there’s no way of telling whom the profile is for, unless they have other photos;
- the other person is whom this female will gossip about you to, and whomever helps make decisions for her;
- you’re no longer trying to introduce yourself to just one female, and make no mistake: if the other person doesn’t like you, they’ll do anything to make sure you don’t get your foot in the door.
Do you agree or disagree with my “red flags”? Maybe you have your own definitions of “red flags” to add? I’d be interested to hear what you think.