The Valentine’s Day Lecturing

It’s almost that time of year again.

In case you’ve been in hiding, wearing a tin foil hat or something, we’re approaching Valentine’s Day (which I call V-Day). Just about everywhere you can imagine is advertising the fact: they all have big posters – reminding us that it’s on the 14th, because we’re all stupid – and they all have ideas about what people should get women for the big day.
V-Day is about women, okay? First of all, that “heart” shape that people like to use doesn’t represent love at all, but the shape of a woman’s private parts. (I inherently knew that there was something wrong with the simplification of “love” by using such a simple symbol, but my stance was proven when looking at a recent poster about female cancer.) Second of all, most if not all of the promotions were geared towards gifts for women; everything from chocolates and champagne to expensive jewellery and vacations.

V-Day is basically a day where happy couples (and not-so-happy couples) get to show off to each other. Every year women are hoping to outdo each other by way of their partners, so they’ll have something to brag about the next day. Men who have a significant other to please reach into their wallets, hoping that the gift they pick out will keep them in the relationship for that little bit longer.

But most significantly – and something we overlook – V-Day is the one day where people hold the fact they’re in a relationship over other people’s heads.

Particularly in London, or I’d imagine any large city, it’s always been trendy and the norm to be in a relationship (or at least to be able to quickly slip into one). These days it’s far less about love, but literally more like having the latest handbag or designer shoes. If you’re single, it’s implied there’s something wrong with you.

As a societal reject, a perpetual celibate, a “nice guy” (if you’d dare call me that) and more importantly a single man, I’m often hypocritically asked by women in “happy” relationships (and some men) as to why I don’t have a girlfriend, or if I’ve got one “yet” – as if it’s as simple as going to a store and buying one. If you’re a single man you’ll know where I’m coming from, you’ll already know where these questions are going.

No matter what answer I give, those same people will inevitably give me an ill-informed lecture on relationships and the “secret to getting” a girlfriend. You know the one I mean: the one where

  • I’m supposedly not making enough of an effort;
  • I’m trying too hard;
  • I’m not trying hard enough;
  • I don’t have enough “confidence”;
  • I have to “get out there”
  • I’m meeting the “wrong” girls
  • I’m thinking “negatively”;
  • I won’t get anyone with “that” attitude;
  • I have to “love myself”, otherwise no-one else will;
  • I have to change myself to fit what women want;
  • I can’t expect anything to happen if I [do/don’t do this or the other];
  • I’m too focused on finding someone (because as soon as I stop looking someone will magically appear)

and countless other little platitudes that I can’t think of right now.

I call these people hypocrites for four reasons.

One. These are often people who have no idea whatsoever what it’s like to be single, and to struggle with even having people speak to them, let alone get into a relationship with someone. These are people who hop from one relationship to another, like someone travelling across London on public transport. It’s akin to me (being self-employed in IT) lecturing someone on how to run a FTSE 500 company – they’d have every right to give me a slap.

Two. These people have no idea whatsoever what the situation is, yet – like So-Called Positive People – they claim to have the “magic ingredient” that will instantly get someone hooked up. But notice how they can’t give away that secret without ripping into that person, or making wild assumptions about what they’ve done or haven’t done. How the hell do they know that John hasn’t tried to meet women, or that he doesn’t try “hard” enough? (Remember, “try harder” is a losing and completely useless strategy.)
Note how in the beginning they suggest there’s nothing wrong with you, and that you “seem like a nice guy”.

Three. Attraction isn’t a choice… it’s a decision.
Given that most relationships these days are about image and social status, I’m fully convinced that people are more consciously deciding whom and what kind of people they are attracted to. If they aren’t, I’m fully convinced that they consciously decide whom they’re not attracted to. It’s called “preference”, and you’ll see women walking around with a whole list of them.
It’s women who choose men. It’s women who choose who gets to take them out on a date. It’s women who decide who gets to second, third and fourth base. It’s women who decide who they form long-term romantic relationships with. It’s women who are concerned with what their mates think of whom they’re going out with. And it’s women who make a conscious choice about how they treat people they’re not interested in.

Four. By asking that question, what they’re really (and simply) saying is they’re not interested in you – which means they already know why you don’t have a significant other. The number one indicator that a woman isn’t interested is when she starts giving you advice on how to attract women.
And get this: whether male or female, they’re also sending a clear message to other women to stay away from you. YouTube member barbarossaaa stated in one of his videos that such comments as the ones in the above list are threats towards a man’s reproduction (i.e. “if you keep acting like this I’ll make sure you don’t get to have kids”).

I’ve fallen out with and ditched so many people because of their apparent “need” to get on a high horse and lecture me about being single. All it does is solidify my opinion that women in general are a waste of time: it reminds me of all those years of being made fun of, ridiculed, ignored and literally run away from.

My answer to the question, “how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” is simply,

The same reason you’ve decided it isn’t going to happen.

Thank you.

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