I left out a couple of important points in last night’s post, The Valentine’s Day Lecturing.
The first point: when someone starts giving unwarranted relationship tips, or advice on how to attract women (or men), it’s purely out of self-indulgence – although they’ll justify themselves by saying
I’m only trying to help
They’re actually only interested in making themselves feel superior to someone else (in this case, single people) and making themselves feel better, especially if it means making someone else feel inferior and worse. Bear in mind that they don’t care whether that person is happy or content with being single, or if they’re completely frustrated about being lied to all the time by women – the sole purpose of the self-indulgent lecture is to make this person feel inadequate. I’d even go as far as saying that such lectures are premeditated.
If you’re not convinced that anyone who gives these lectures is being self-indulgent instead of helpful, look at what happens if you call them on their bullshit. All of a sudden they’re the ones who get angry, they’re the ones who start cursing and screaming, and they’re the ones who threaten to abandon you if you don’t instantly change – which, mark my words, they’ve already decided to do anyway. (As I’ve said, they decided to abandon you when they chose to indulge themselves in the self-indulgent lecture.)
And let’s not forget: a minute ago you were “a nice enough person”, and there was supposedly nothing wrong with you. Oh yes, and they were “only trying to help“.
The second point: you might not realise this, but the other reason why people give these self-indulgent lectures is because of projection – these people themselves feel they “need” to be in a relationship, and that there’s something inherently wrong with being single.
They have a hard time imagining life as a single person, mostly because of peer pressure or social conditioning to find “The One”. It could also be said that these people are far more concerned with what other people think of them, than what they think of themselves.
Personally, although society has turned single life into some kind of solitary confinement punishment (where other people are told to stay away from single people), I don’t see anything wrong with being single, especially if it’s out of choice. But people consciously choose whom they get involved with – so singledom is increasingly more about others’ choices in favour of or against certain kinds of people, especially when they’re complaining about ending up with “jerks”.
That’s all I really have to say about that.