Probably the most important discovery I’ve made in the last 10 or so years of online dating and looking at classified ads, is that women often advertise and describe themselves by way of copy-and-paste. They copy things from women who get attention from men, for the sole purpose of getting attention from men. They copy-and-paste things from anywhere and everywhere to make themselves sound more intelligent, more sexually appealing and more “wholesome” than they really are. I even had a girl tell me she copied-and-pasted some text from my Facebook profile because it “sounded good” – proof positive.
Unfortunately the end result is the same: most women have copied-and-pasted so much material that they sound the same as everybody else. You basically end up with a profile or classified ad full of meaningless clichés, which doesn’t tell you anything about the person apart from that they’re average (and lazy). But what more can we expect from creatures who think asking “what do you do?” and “where do you live?” are good conversational questions.
In Part 1 of this miniseries, I’m going to expose (very briefly) some of the more common verbal clichés you’ll find in women’s online descriptions – and I’m doing this because these things have to be said. I’m bound to have missed a few glaringly obvious ones, so please comment if you’ve got more.
“I’m not your average girl”
One of Drew’s Social Golden Rules: if you have to tell people, it probably isn’t true. Just like people who proclaim “I don’t care” usually do care, your average woman will announce she isn’t average… but trying to be “normal” is being average.
“I like to have fun”
Don’t think about this for too long, because your IQ will drop. But seriously, anyone who states this can’t be very interesting or intelligent anyway. What defines “fun”?
“I love to laugh”
Another of my personal favourites, because I’m curious as to why exactly a woman has to put this statement in a description of herself. Again, a sign of no intelligence and no personality (unless it’s being rented).
“If you want to know something just ask”
Usually inserted by women too lazy to write about themselves. I would think, if people wanted to know something specific about someone else, they would ask anyway.
“I like nights out with my mates, but am equally happy curled up on the sofa with a DVD and a bottle of wine”
Pay particular attention to this one, because it’s often added word for word. There are a number of things that can be construed from this snippet, but most importantly for me it shows that the woman is predictable. She probably doesn’t even know what kind of wine (apart from red, white or rose). I’ll let you think for yourself what else could be ascertained.
“I have a [son or daughter] who is my life”
As Tom Leykis put it so eloquently in one of his recorded shows on Youtube: single mothers decided to have their kids with “jerks”. It’s the number one reason why I run a mile away from anyone with kids. On the one hand, it’s good that they’re taking some responsibility for their lousy decisions; on the other, it goes without saying that raising children should be a priority. I personally don’t think you’d have to tell people that your kids come first, unless you’re trying to justify or absolve yourself of foolish choices.
I will also add what Daign once said about a camgirl: if you have kids you shouldn’t be calling yourself sexy.
“No freaks or weirdos”
I see this one quite a lot, but not as much as I used to. I asked my Facebook contacts to define what a “freak” or a “weirdo” is. I also ask the women who put this crap in their profiles and ads. Would you believe, I’ve never gotten a definitive answer.
The terms “freak” and “weirdo”, as it turns out, are subjective. They could mean anything, but most likely the woman using those terms is a shallow creature who’ll use them to describe anyone she doesn’t find attractive.
“I’m tired of liars and games”
Not too hard to decipher: she’s been played in the past because she went by looks, and she’ll get played again – because she still goes by looks. Basically she’s looking for “same again… but different this time.”
“I’m a bit of…”
Usually accompanied by “geek”, “nerd” or “buff”.
Here’s my take on this cliché, feel free to debate. Anyone who describes themselves as “a bit” of a nerd, for example, is happy to go around pretending they’re a nerd, posing in photos as a nerd, and generally trying to convince people they’re a nerd. But when being a nerd means being made fun of, or opening themselves up to criticism, it becomes inconvenient to wear the label – they all of a sudden revert to not being a nerd. It’s like men who who say they want to be James Bond: they want the cars, gadgets and women, but not the thinking how to escape from certain death.
This is basically a list of affirmations: things that women want to believe are true about themselves. They obviously care about how they are perceived, even if they have no idea what the words they’re using actually mean. (How often do you see the words “busty” and “nympho” being overused?)
“I like meeting new people/I’m social”
Usually a barefaced lie: most people’s definition of being social is hanging out with their existing friends and people they know, not meeting new people. A more realistic sentiment would be, “you can walk up to me and, if I like the look of you, and my friends like the look of you, I’ll say something back”. But I could be wrong.
“I’m shy at first but once I get to know someone I open up/can’t stop talking”
Is there anyone who isn’t shy at first, but opens up once they get to know someone? It’s called making friends.
I’m guessing that women use this line to give themselves the allure of a shy, supposedly innocent little girl that “nobody” notices. I would make a very big assumption, however, that they don’t make a habit of speaking to people they don’t already know (see above).
What say you?