I’ve set the challenge – both on DREWspective and my web site, DrewMaughan.com – for anybody to explain or figure out why I have issues with the word “need” being thrown around. It’s one of my four golden rules of being a freelancer to avoid working with (or more often than not, for) people and companies that do so.

Well it’s been around two years since I threw down the gauntlet. Thousands of people have been to both sites and have seen the respective pages. But as is typical – even with a generous offer – not one person came forward with an answer.

So in my own words I’m going to lay it down. Feel free to point people to this weblog post whether you agree or not. (If you’re unwilling to listen or read, kindly go away.)

I associate using the word “need” with poor communication skills, kinda like how “strong language” or swearing is ironically considered to be “weak”. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Words I’ve Erased From My Vocabulary and Manipulative Language: “Need”, there are plenty of alternatives for the term. If we want to pretend we’re so intelligent and so superior to other people, there’s really no excuse for sticking with one word. You’ll also find that “need” is often accompanied by a big mouth: people reliant on volume and verbal diarrhoea to get their pointless points across.

Wayne Dyer said it best in one of his books: a “need” is something that, if you don’t have it, will paralyse you. A “need” is essential; you cannot live without it, and you must get it at all costs. To not have this “need” renders you powerless.

The problem is that most of the things we say we “need” – and especially the things other people say we “need” – aren’t essential at all. But by acting as if something is essential, people will do anything they can to get it: they’ll work longer hours, go without food, spend time away from special people, and end up doing things they really don’t want to do – perhaps even eventually turning to crime or prostitution – just so someone (usually another person barking orders) can feel some sense of “happiness” or fulfilment. Until next time, of course.

I don’t know if you’ve ever used bug tracking software such as JIRA or Bugzilla, or any kind of system where you have a list of tasks and issues to address. One thing that inevitably happens (it’s happened in every single company I’ve worked at that has used a bug tracking system) is that some delusional project manager marks all the tasks they can get to as being “high priority”. Their aim is to have someone (like me) work feverishly on those tasks – whether they’re important or not – while they go off and goof around with the other gang members.
(If you complain about these tasks being set to high priority when they’re actually not, the response is ALWAYS that they start setting tasks to even higher priorities: urgent, critical and immediate.)

The constant use of the word “need” is purely used to control and manipulate people, whether in the work place or in social settings. The aim is to have someone perform some kind of sick balancing act with whimsical demands – with the threat of disapproval, ridicule or losing one’s job (or pay, or time) if they don’t comply. Especially with web sites and online forms, where the word “need” is thrown around by the most clueless of companies: if you don’t do what they tell you you “need” to do, or if you don’t give them what they “need”, you can’t use their web sites.

And I will bet every single time: those people who throw the word “need” around have absolutely no idea what’s involved in fulfilling those “needs”. Without going on a long, dangerous and colourful tirade, that’s why I get so angry about there being so many clueless managers and feckless recruitment people (I do not call them agents or consultants) in IT: they clearly know nothing about the industry, their field or the people they “manage” or “represent”. Their “needs”, or what they think is “essential”, are basically summed up as “do this” or “this needs doing”, with no thought about the process whatsoever.

But the one thing that would get me in someone’s face, is them attempting to tell me what I supposedly “need”. That’s one thing I find particularly offensive, and might culminate with a bloody nose.

When someone tries to tell you what you “need”, they’re suggesting that they know all about you – including what you’re going through, what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling – and what’s best for you. Like I’ve said before, they have absolutely no idea; they’re only interested in trying to control you, manipulate you and essentially paralyse you. What they’re really saying is

I want you to do what I’m saying you “need” to do, just so I can feel justified and better about myself.

In trying to tell you what you supposedly “need”, they’re also suggesting that they’re superior (or better): that they have all the answers. Nobody would be so sure of what someone else supposedly “needs”, unless they thought they knew – would they?

I get particularly angry about being told what I supposedly “need”, because people are generally happy to stand back and watch as I go through hard times (some much worse than my recent financial crisis), but not lift a finger to actually help. Most of the time, they make a bad situation worse. Whether it’s been family members, so-called friends or work colleages turned gang members, that’s how I can say with certainty that these people who spout “needs” are ignorant of the situation… and are not particularly intelligent either.

Going back to my association of the word “need” with poor communication skills. How would you feel about someone who made everything an urgent or immediate issue? How would you eventually respond to someone who dialled 999 (or for our American friends, 911) for every single incident, from an armed robbery to a paper cut? Well that’s what someone who throws the word “need” around is doing: they’re making everything that’s a “need” an urgent issue, when most of the time they’re not really that important. They’re the modern day Boy Who Cried Wolf, who unfortunately won’t get devoured (but will hopefully be shot).

So there you go. I’m not going to be able to reach everybody with my post, nor will people start using alternatives to the word “need” overnight. At the very least I’ve put my thoughts and opinions forward, unlike the rest of you.

I would absolutely love someone to come back at me on this post, or about the word “need” itself. Perhaps you agree with my views, or maybe you’re an advocate for using “need” in every sentence. I would like nothing more than for someone to share their views through a comment. But I’m betting you won’t. You’ll probably sit there, laugh to yourself and then go out and insert “need” into every sentence from now on, like someone who chooses to be part of the problem.

Then again, maybe you will come back at me.