These days, the most common form of rejection is through silent treatment. It’s a lot easier for someone to just “disappear” than actually face people they aren’t interested in.
I say, good for these people – at least they’re being honest about the kind of people they are (read: cowards). But although I have voiced my opinions about people who use silent treatment, I’ve found that I’d much rather have this form of rejection, over the dark alternative: canned lines.
Canned lines are those trite statements people make when rejecting someone, in the name of “not trying to hurt their feelings” – but really they’re only interested in making an exit, no matter how dirty that exit is made. These people are also implying that there is something wrong with the person receiving them.
The thing about canned lines, if you hear them often enough, is that they’re recited word for word. The first time you hear them you might be okay with it, but after the tenth time you start to wonder what’s really going on. By the hundredth time you’ll suspect that someone’s lying.
So without further ado, Drew presents his top five most bullshit rejection lines – all of which have been fed to him at some point, and on numerous occasions.
Number 5: “You’re not my type”
aka. “I don’t think we’re compatible”, “I don’t think it’s going to work out”
Everybody has a “type”. Even (and especially) people who say they don’t have a “type” have a “type”. That “type” is created in their heads, using information gathered from various places. In the case of a woman, it’s usually information fed to her by her mates, from women’s magazines and from fashion.
Of course, everybody has their preferences and criteria, and that’s their prerogative. But what someone’s essentially saying when they say “you’re not my type”, is that they’re closed to any form of openness or compromise. They are just after that one “type” of person, and anything else isn’t good enough (for them).
Try asking them what their “type” is, however, and you’ll either get a portion of fresh air or a side of defensiveness. Either they’re afraid of being accused of being shallow, or they have no idea what their “type” is!
Also, bear in mind that some people don’t realise: what people say they want isn’t necessarily what’s right for them.
Number 4: “I just want to be friends”
I have an enormous library of female friends, most of whom I’ve tried to pursue at least once in the past. The only problem is, they’ve all but disappeared.
Unfortunately or not, that’s what usually happens when a guy is interested in a girl, only to find out she just wants “friendship”. Whether it’s to do with feeling guilty or plain disgusted at the thought of being attracted to him, I’ve seen way too many examples of the girl backing off and ignoring the guy, eventually becoming a ghost, to be convinced otherwise.
There is only ever one instance when I’d be interested in remaining friends with a girl, and that’s when the relationship would be mutual. If we were both interested in just friendship, things would be cool. If it’s ever not the case, I walk. The last thing I want is for either of us (usually the girl) to gloat about their relationships with other people, knowing that they chose to reject the “friend”.
Sometimes it’s a good thing that the girl (or guy) disappears, as it makes moving on a lot easier. But the concept of “wanting to be just friends”, when the intention is to just disappear, earns this canned line a place on my top five list.
Number 3: “I’m not ready for a relationship”
The first time I was fed this line, it was at age 13 in high school. The girl I had been “in love with”, who had since moved to a different school, had once used this line (as told by one of her mates). Not long after that, she found herself in a relationship with someone else.
I had actually used this line myself with a girl, but the difference is that I actually meant it. I realised back then that, even if someone had been interested in me, I didn’t feel I would have enough to offer them.
But although some people are genuinely ill-equipped to be in a relationship, no matter how badly they want one, others use it as an excuse to avoid being in a relationship with particular people.
I’m not ready for a relationship… with you.
This canned line makes number three, because the only way you can tell whether it’s a lie is when (and if) you see the same person going out with someone else, soon after you’ve been rejected.
Number 2: “You’re a nice/great/amazing guy”
Let me explain something right now: being called a “nice guy” ranks as the absolute worst “compliment” anyone can ever receive. Everybody knows – and many women will deny to the death – that “nice guy” is a codeword for “reject”. Regardless of whether or not they are actually “nice”, “nice guys” are people whom nobody wants to be seen with, and people that others will tell their mates, and even people they don’t know, to stay away from.
The term “nice” is incredibly vague anyway. Just ask yourself what “nice” means, and then ask your friends. It’s likely that you’ll all come up with different definitions, perhaps none at all.
That’s exactly what being called a “nice guy” is meant to do: confuse them. While the word “nice” supposedly sounds like a good thing, it’s so vague that it could literally mean anything.
My main point is that being called a “nice guy” leaves confusion as to why they are allegedly such a “great” person, yet still being cast aside – and eventually a bitter taste is left as they see whom this other person chooses to accept (read: the “jerk”).
One begins to ask,
If I’m such a “nice” guy, why am I being rejected? Don’t people want to be with someone who is “nice”? What’s wrong with me?
Eventually the disillusionment sets in, and the conclusion is drawn that nobody wants a “nice guy” (i.e. you); they want “jerks”, “assholes” and people who will smack them around. After all, those are the kinds of people that the nice person who rejected them chooses to go out with.
Some people will exchange the word “nice” for “great”, “amazing” and even “fantastic”, in a vain effort to sound different. But it’s still the same crap.
But hold on: if being called “nice”, “great” or “amazing” is the biggest insult a guy can receive, what could possibly be worse?
I’ll tell you.
Number 1: “You’ll find someone”
a.k.a. “There’s someone out there for you”, “I’m not The One”, “you’ll meet the right person”
I challenge you to find a more bulls**t statement.
Basically the short explanation of this canned line is as follows:
There’s someone for you, and I don’t want it to be me.
There are three ways in which this particular canned line is damaging:
It creates false hope
The first few times someone hears this cliché, they become hopeful that they will indeed meet someone who is right for them. But after a while, after they hear the hundredth person recite it word for word, there’s the wonder if there really is someone “out there” for them, given that so many other people have said no.
Then two things start to happen: they begin to think (or realise) that it’s a lie and they become pessimistic, and also their false hope is perpetuated by people around them who insist there is “someone out there for them”.
It actually limits your other options
Not only does “you’ll find someone” simply mean that they’ve chosen not to be the “someone”, but it often means they’ll make sure (consciously or unconsciously) that nobody they know is the “someone”.
It suggests that people are lying to you
The fact that so many people rattle this particular canned line off will eventually make someone wonder just what else they’ve been lying about. I’ve even had some people promise that there was “someone out there” for me, and ten years later there hasn’t been a single person who has stepped up to the mark.
If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m convinced that the concept of “someone out there for everyone” is complete and utter bullshit.
That’s my top five list of rejection lines that set off my bulls**t detector. I apologise for focusing on the negatives. As usual, I’d like to hear your views.